negotiating with chaos

Digital Cleaning

When I was younger I was a hoarder of things: Knick-knacks, fabric, papers (usually old assignments, doodles and stories I’d written on scraps), craft supplies and things I thought I could use for crafts, books, etc. Over the years I’ve gotten much better about throwing things away that I don’t need or won’t use. I’m proud to say that I’ve successfully gotten rid of almost all knick-knacks. But I’ve become somewhat of a digital hoarder.

I hoard images that inspire me on my harddrive. I hoard music. I hoard links in my favorites (most of which I rarely if ever return to). Most of all, I hoard digital accounts. I’m on twitter, facebook, LinkedIn, blogger, tumblr, google +, etsy…

Though I have all of these accounts, I’ve hardly used most of them consistently. On average I spend about 5 seconds on facebook a day. I haven’t touched my LinkedIn account since the day I set it up besides when I get an email that someone wants to add me. I hadn’t used my blogger in a year. I even found an unused WordPress account I set up. My twitter account hadn’t been used in at least six months.

All of this digital clutter was starting to drive me nuts. From the links that were overrunning my favorites folders to the images clogging my harddrive to the accounts I felt guilty for never using. So over the last week I’ve been doing some digital organization. For example, I got rid of my Twitter and replaced it with a Pinterest (, which I’m also using as a way to store images and links I would usually save to my computer. I’ve deleted my inactive Blogger, begun using my WordPress and decided to leave this tumblr.

My new blog, It has more direction than this tumblr. This blog has been rather like an online dairy. It’s the first time I’ve ever really let a blog become that and, to be honest, it has become rather dreadful and indulgent. In leaving this blog behind I’m also leaving behind it’s form. My new blog will be a bit less personal and much more reader friendly. But don’t listen to me. Check it out yourself!

The Boxer Rebellion – Spitting Fire (0 plays)

The melancholy in me loves dreary days like today. Especially when they start out with a cozy drink and conversations with a friend. So here is one of my favorite rainy day songs for you: Spitting Fire by The Boxer Rebellion. 

just living— there are layers and layers of happiness in just being. Using my hand to open a door, the feeling of my feet on the ground, food in my mouth, a pillow under my head. being still in a breeze. shades of light. The work of art that is a living human body, and that there are so many around me. Moreover, that these living things are okay with my presence among them, even that they smile at me, interact with me, have a fondness of me.


Yesterday, as I drove to Grand Rapids, I was surprised by how many trees are already going through their metamorphosis. This is the first fall that I am not starting a new semester and I realized that I’m becoming comfortable with this new, strange phase of my life.

I believe I’ve found my 15 acres for sale. To be honest, it’s been in front of me this whole time I was just scared to walk onto the property and begin the process of claiming it.

When I left I said it was so I had the freedom to really get RefineFashion on its feet and, my unspoken desire, was to also start my writing career. But, once I got home, I felt pressure to get my first career job and make a good stable salary. So I spent months job hunting, convincing myself that these jobs might be good for me. I even came very close to getting a full-time job in student affairs. After the disappointment wore off I was relieved.

Still looking for a “real” job felt like the responsible thing to do. So I continued searching and in the process I ended up finding something much better: a publishing company to submit a proposal for my book based off my thesis to. I’ve also received a lot of encouragement and made some good connections for RF.

Once the summer became less chaotic, I had begun building up an inventory of wallets and re-imaging RF’s website and identity. I am now starting to make bags (and once I clear out my current inventory of wallets I’ve got some new ones planned).

Starting sometime next week my wallets and bags will be for sale at a store in Grand Rapids, Minty Keen. I’ll be getting them there just in time for the large influx of pilgrims for ArtPrize. The location itself is going to be a venue so it should be great exposure.

Once I finish the bulk of my sewing, I’m going to begin working on the manuscript and publishing submission for my first book. I’ll be taking the concept and research behind my master’s thesis and transforming it into a more dynamic and engaging book.

I am pursuing flexible, part-time employment to make some stable income as RF and my writing career get on their feet. Of course, I can’t know if either of these ventures will end up being successful but I feel like I’m in a very good place right now. It’s like I see my dreams materializing, even though they’re just silhouettes right now. 

I’m very excited that my designs are going to be sold in a store soon! All the feedback Logan’s been getting on his wallet, and sharing with me, has really helped to give me extra encouragment and confidence. :)

Though the main page of my website still needs some work (and better photography), you can still see my progress and check out my wallets and some of my bags at

This clip of Enver Gjokaj definitely gives away my latest television series obsession: Dollhouse. Though Enver is rather studly and has a great voice, what I really love is what he says. His ‘deepest darkest fantasy’ is definitely mine and exactly what I’ve been craving lately.

 "I think it would be amazing, and I think everybody always kind of feels like, somebody fun is gonna to come into their life and be like, ‘Don’t even think, jump in this car and we’re gonna go have the most amazing day of your life.’…It’s so rare to find somebody who can do that. Surprise you and challenge you in every way."